Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Online Dating Jackpot

My last post was cathartic and in no way got out everything I have to say about my daughter's dad or that situation but it was a start. I refuse to dedicate too much energy on that man or that situation until or unless I have to so I would like to write about something positive today.
I am not very good at being really honest and open with my feelings even with the people closest to me. I blame it on being a Capricorn. But I am in my 30's and it's one of those things that I am really trying to work on and because I know of exactly one person who reads my blog and I actually do tell her pretty much everything so I figure I'm good.
Anyway, I do have a point and that is that after writing about my baby's daddy I am now inspired to write about my current boyfriend. Our life together cannot be called sane but it is a totally different type of crazy. It is a good crazy, and he is not crazy. There is no power struggle between us because we are partners, and that is all I have ever wanted. To be fair I did not always know what I wanted, but I do now, and he is it.
I met the boyfriend online. I was almost divorced. Almost because in Indiana you cannot get divorced when you are pregnant and my husband and I had split up when I was two months pregnant and although when I met the boyfriend my son was 4 months old we had not filed the final paperwork. My husband and I had been split up for 10 months and I had been home with baby for four months and I was lonely and thinking there was no way in hell I was ever going to meet anyone. Ever. So for fun I signed up for an online dating site and I figured I would be too scared to actually meet anyone in person but at least I could talk to some people.
I quickly found out that if you are semi-attractive, even if you are overweight, technically married, have 2 kids, one being an infant, are unemployed and live in your parents' basement you will still get lots of attention online. Mostly from weirdos and old men but once in awhile there will be the occasional guy that will seem decent. That will make you suspicious as hell. Especially if they don't have kids. I mean the whole reason I was online was because I didn't see any way I was going to get out of the house to meet anyone. I had been on this dating site about 3 weeks and I was about to give up when I met the boyfriend.
I usually didn't chat with men without exchanging a few messages first because they tended to get sexual immediately and I was so not looking for that, but for some reason when the boyfriend chatted with me I was like what the hell and hit accept. By the end of that first conversation I gave him my phone number and later that day he called me. That night we chatted for hours and by the end of the night he asked me out. That was a Saturday. We met for the first time the following Wednesday. There have been only a handful of days since then that we have not seen each other and not one that we have not talked.
The boyfriend himself is not crazy, but he brought some crazy with him. He has 3 kids, with 2 different moms. The kids are not a problem, and neither are the moms. Except when they are. Like when one of them decides they want him back, or one of them has no place to live and needs to move in with him because he has the room and is not the kind of man who is going to leave his kid and kids' mom homeless. Then when she is living with him she constantly tells me things to make me think he is cheating on me while at the same time telling me that she used to lie to the other baby mama. Yeah, that happened. One time she told me about the boyfriend having a woman to the house and she described what he had on and she said she hadn't seen the woman, and yeah, it was me. Or when one of them tells me completely inappropriate things about her relationship with him which was like 9 fucking years ago and totally none of my business.
The thing is the boyfriend and I decided in the beginning that we are in our 30's, have both been through marriages and have kids so we have pasts so there is no reason to lie about it. So we talk about these things. I told him the things that were told to me and he told me what was true and what was bullshit and the living arrangement soon changed. I know enough to take into consideration that this is an ex that is telling me stuff and she is telling me stuff from 9 years ago.
Baby mama drama is the worst the boyfriend and I have had to deal with so far. We talk to each other, we make decisions together, we make our relationship a priority which is so not easy. Trying to run a household with 4 kids, sometimes 5 is overwhelming. I am always happy to see him walk in the door when he gets home. We have the same sense of humor and I never really knew how important that was until I found him. We want the same things in life and we took the time to find that out before we committed to each other, which happened very fast but we've managed to figure it all out and we're happy.
I can only hope that we continue on the path we have started and that we can stay happy. I try to be as good to the boyfriend as he is to me. So much of our lives are consumed with the kids and work and school that it is not easy to remember that we are the reason this family is a family. Without the two of us this whole thing wouldn't be happening. But this is our beginning, and I used to hate telling people that we met online but now I don't even care because all that matters is that we met because I can't even imagine if we hadn't. 

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